When Your Gone
by baby blue eyes10
Summary: When James leaves Lily, she's a mess. She remembers him in everything she does. But if he comes back, what will she do. She misses him, but is their love enough to survive the break?


_A:N: Well, I just wanted to do a story for one of my favorite songs and since I don't usually do James/Lily I thought I would give this a try. I hope you all enjoy it and don't forget to review!_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or the lyrics to When your gone, by Avril Lavigne._

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_I always needed time on my own  
I never thought I'd need you there when I cried  
And the days feel like years when I'm alone  
And the bed where you lie  
Is made up on your side_

Lily sat on the edge of the made-up bed, looking at the side table on the left, where his stuff should have been. She rubbed the tears out of her eyes and tried not to cry again as she clutched the rough fabric of an old shirt. Breathing deeply and relishing in _his_ smell, she laid the rest of the way back onto the bed and closed her eyes.

She could see _him_ now. Just a few days ago they had been so happy. Wrestling on the bed, and then falling together under the covers. Laughing at one of Sirius' stupid jokes at the table while _he_ covertly slipped his hand into hers, smiling at her from over his wine glass. She didn't understand why _he_ had just left one day, with no explanation at all, just packed up his bags and walked out the door. She had cried for him, telling him, no begging him, to stay. She whimpered as her unshed tears leaked out from behind her closed lids.

For what seemed like the tenth time that day, Lily Evans cried for a man that had left, had given up after so many years of chasing. "Where did you go?" She said out loud to herself. As expecting, there was no answer and she cried even more. "James." She whispered, telling herself that it was all just a dream, she would wake up soon. But, she knew it wasn't.

_When you walk away  
I count the steps that you take  
Do you see how much I need you right now_

In her mind she envisioned him, with his tall, proud stance walking towards the door. There were no backwards glances, no tears, no explanation, just her screaming, begging, pleading for him to stay. She had crashed around their flat, throwing random objects and picture frames, trying to understand what had happened. The rest of the night was a blur, as she had drowned herself with fire whiskey and chocolate.

Laying the shirt she was clutching on _his_ side of the bed, she walked into the living room and looked at the mess. She laughed bitterly to herself. In school she had been the clean, proper girl. "If only the professors could see me now. I'm a mess, thanks to _him_." She couldn't allow herself to say his name. It was too painful right now. There was one framed picture still hanging on the wall and she walked over to it, glaring at the happy people staring back at her.

There _he _was. They were wrapped around each other and smiling at the camera, along with her sister Madison, Sirius, Remus, and Peter. With a cry of frustration, she grabbed the picture off the wall and threw it at the opening door. It barely missed the person walking in, but Lily didn't care right now.

_When you're gone  
the pieces of my heart are missing you_

Lily watched as her sister walked towards her, opening her arms for her, but she felt nothing. Except for the painful ache of her heart, missing the one who should be here for her.

_When you're gone  
the face I came to know is missing too_

She looked up into the face of her comforter, knowing it wasn't him, but looking anyways. She was disappointed that it was Madison and she closed her eyes, sobbing into her sister's shoulder. "I need him." She said, crying more. "You're not the same."

Madison rubbed her back, but Lily felt nothing as she mumbled, "I know."

_When you're gone  
the words I need to hear to always get me through the day  
and make it okay  
I miss you_

She cried for him, for herself, there on the floor, surrounded by broken objects. As much as she didn't want to admit it, she missed him. When Madison finally left that night, she walked to her bedroom. No, she told herself, their bedroom. Lying down on _his_ side of the bed, she breathed in his unique scent, trying to remember him being here.

_I've never felt this way before  
everything that I do  
Reminds me of you_

Lily woke up that morning to flowers and an owl. Seeing the name, she left them on the side table, not bothering with the heartache. She walked groggily into the kitchen, vowing to herself that she wouldn't let him back in that easily, not with all the grief she had been through. Throughout the day, everything she did gave her the reminder that she was only doing it for herself now. Cooking for one, not two. Cleaning the flat for her, not for them. Cleaning her bathroom, not theirs.

_And the clothes you left  
They lie on the floor  
And they smell just like you  
I love the things that you do_

Later, when she was gathering the clothes on the floor, she ran across some of his old things. His quid ditch shirt, _Potter_ written across the back. Trying not to smile at how he had once told her she would be wearing this shirt to bed every night, she tossed her favorite shirt into the pile of his stuff she had made earlier. It was a small pile, but she knew he would come back for it eventually.

Could she really have been so stupid? Did she really think he would react to the news well? That she wanted to get married, wanted kids, wanted to have a family with him? Lily couldn't believe herself as she walked out of the flat that night, passing the lit up streets and people frolicking about. She went to the store, grabbing enough food for a fast dinner, and then went to the ice-creamery to stall. She didn't want to go home to an empty house.

_When you walk away  
I count the steps that you take  
Do you see how much I need you right now_

She walked in the door just as someone was walking out, and she mumbled an apology as she ducked her head. She stopped almost immediately when she realized the scent of that cologne. Turning on the spot, she found herself face to face with a piercing Hazel gaze. Trying to control her breathing, she stepped back out the door and walked away, down the street, trying to ignore his calling.

"Lily! Please, stop." He called out, following her down to their flat, but she kept going. She was searching for the keys when he put his hand on her shoulder, turning her to face him. She dropped the grocery bags, her eyes filling with tears, as she wrapped herself around him and began to cry into his shoulder.

_When you're gone  
The pieces of my heart are missing you  
When you're gone  
The face I came to know is missing too_

As she cried, she looked up into the face that had been missing from her for the past few days. She watched as his Hazel eyes clouded with sadness, silently begging for her forgiveness. Her heart felt like it was trying to reach out of her, to its lost piece that had been given away to him. Keeping his arms around her, he opened the door and they went inside. Setting the fallen groceries on the table, he grabbed Lily into a hug and tried to explain why he was gone.

_When you're gone  
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day  
And make it ok  
I miss you  
_

When she had finally calmed down somewhat, they sat together on the sofa, not saying anything but staring into each other's eyes. Finally, James took out a box and set it next to her. Slowly she reached out for it, grasping it tightly in her shaking hands. "I'm ready, Lily. I'm ready for this," He said, gesturing to their surroundings, "I want to be a family with you."

_We were made for each other  
Out here forever  
I know we were  
_

_And all I ever wanted was for you to know  
Everything I do I give my heart and soul  
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me _

Lily said nothing, just sat with the box closed in her hand looking at an opposite wall. James was at a loss as he felt his heart breaking into tiny pieces. Finally when Lily spoke, it wasn't the words he was looking for. "You left me." She spoke directly to the wall and James felt tears spring to his eyes. "I don't know if you're really serious about this or not. Tell me you're serious, please? I need to hear this." She had turned to him, and he reached out for her.

"I won't run away again. I need you." James said. Lily took his hand and put the box back into it. Slowly she shook her head no and dissolved into tears again. James felt a few of his own tears fall and he tried to get Lily to look at him. "Please, Lils. Don't do this." He begged, but Lily wouldn't look at him. Finally, he walked towards the door, giving Lily one last look before he walked out.

_When you're gone  
The pieces of my heart are missing you  
When you're gone  
The face I came to know is missing too  
When you're gone_

James stood outside the door, trying to get his thoughts together enough to apparate. When he realized that this was impossible, no matter how many times he ran his hands through his hair, he walked down the front steps and onto the sidewalk. Walking in a general direction, he stuffed his hands in his pockets. From behind him he heard a door open then slam, but he didn't turn around. When he heard footsteps approaching he didn't turn around. Finally, he heard the strangled cry of "Potter!" and he turned to see a red head fling herself into his arms.

Kissing him like she would never see him again, Lily Evans didn't care if he had left before, just that she never wanted him to leave again.

Later, when people would ask about the engagement, Lily and James would just say they couldn't live without each other and would always miss the other if they had left.

_The words I need to hear will always get me through the day  
And make it ok  
I miss you_

Three years later at the funeral of Lily and James Potter, their eulogy mentioned how they would be missed, and somewhere in heaven, Lily knew she would never miss James again.


End file.
